tacit

Ages ago, someone posted a no-holds-barred account of a procedure they'd gone through so that other people who went on to have it done would know what to expect. I'm kinda gonna go with that premise, here. But I do want to preface it by emphasising that while I did go with the best people to get my laser eye surgery, I went with their cheapest - most brutal! - option.

Ok. So, Wednesday. There was much flailing about in the morning, but by the time I actually got to the clinic, I was feeling kinda blank about the whole thing. I couldn't quite decide if I was excited or wanted to throw up, so apparently went with neither.

it being a private clinic, the receptionist wanted to make us coffees when we arrived (as someone who grew up with the NHS, this was weird!) and was very smiley and nice and efficient. I think they saved their best interpersonal skills for the front-of-house staff.

They'd done all the tests when I went for my initial consultation a couple of weeks agp, so literally all the surgeon did pre-op was give me an eye test and get me to sign the consent form. (I hadn't actually read it, because those things are scary, but my friend C came with me and I got her to summarise the points.)

The surgeon had no social skills, as I understand surgeons often don't. The eye test came up a quarter of a diopter different in one eye than it was at my initial consultation. When I asked about that, he shurgged. Literally - he just shrugged and didn't reply. I admit I didn't want to know everything about the actual procedute, because there's only so much I need to hear about them softening my cornea so they can scrape the tissue aside (more on that later)... but I did want my questions answered. Upon my prodding, he said it wasn't a big difference and didn't matter, but that just left me wondering which prescription they were planning to correct?!

Anyway, I wasn't about to go home without getting it done. I signed, and he handed me off to a nurse. She checked my details, went through the post-op care, had me put on a surgical cap and booties, disinfected around my eyes with that orangey brown liquid they always use on TV. She periodically put anaesthetic drops in my eyes, which stung a little at first and then, obviously, stopped.

Unfortunately, something had gone a bit wrong with the schedule and I ended up sitting about with the nurse for twenty minutes or so. I was nervous as hell. I'd heard lots of conflicting things from the staff. That I'd be in some discomfort for a few hours, or for five days. That I might be alright to drive the following day, or that I wouldn't for three months. I knew I was going to get contacts to wear day and night for five days, but I heard from one member of staff that my discomfort would stop when those came out, and from another that it'd be more painful after they were out because my eyelids would irritate the wounds.

Did I mention yet that I have a bit of a Thing about doctors and dentists and hospitals?

But! I wanted to have eyesight that didn't require corrective aids. I've always hated wearing glasses, and contacts irritate my eyes to the point of pain. I'd been lusting after laser eye surgery for years, and after a date with a guy who'd had it done and made it sound fantastic, I was determined to suck it up and get it done.

I went through to the surgery at about 15.45. It was obvious that the surgeon and the nurses had done this a million times, which was both reassuring and slightly confusing. They didn't feel the need to burden me with instructions, or let me know what was happening as it went along. I figured I was probably supposed to lie on the bed with my head at the business end; I situated myself directly under the red light while they prepared whatever it was they were preparing.

Without any fanfare, the surgeon put a plastic shield over my left eye, and then used one of those Clockwork Orange-esque metal spreaders to hold my right eye open. This wasn't uncomfortable - my eye was totally numb. The surface of the machine above me was reflective, so I could see my poor, exposed eyeball with the spreaders on, but I was ok.

I asked that he let me know what was happening as he was going along. I was fully conscious, and obviously a bit stressed - breathing too fast, hands clenched. he told me not to talk, presumably because it made my entire head move a little; and to look directly at the red light... and that was the last time he addressed me. All I really wanted was for them to equip me with some sort of signal to indicate I needed a pause or had an important query. But, no.

The exact details of the op aren't clear, not because I don't remember but because even at the time I didn't reall know what was going on. In one way, I didn't want to know what exactly they were doing to my eyes, I just wanted it over with. But in another way, I was freaked out by not knowing what they were doing to <i>my eyes</i>.

So. The procedure I had was called LASEK. First, they placed something on my eye and poured alcohol into it - the instrument must have been to retain the alcohol in the target area and not get it all over my eye. It was there to soften my cornea, after all - I can't imagine it's good to get it all over. Then, the surgeon seemed togo back and forth over my eye many, many times with a small handheld instrument - kind of sweeping over it. I couldn't feel pain, but I did perceive pressure by the movement of the red and green lights on the underside of the machine above me. The lights weren't moving, of course; my eyeball was distorting under the pressure.

After a couple of minutes of sweeping, the laser came on. It was also painless. My vision was very blurry by that point, so the red light I was supposed to look at was a huge blur. I didn't know where in the blur to look, and over the course of the sweeping my gaze had drifted slightly. Because I didn't get any warning they were about to use the lasers, I just held still where I was - which wasn't the middle of the red blur. I guess we'll see if that mattered when i go back for an eyetest later...

There was a nasty smell - my flesh being burnt away by the laser. It was actually less gross than you might imagine. I think I was a bit too overloaded to much care by that point. Then, the surgeon did more sweepy motions over my eye, presumably smooshing the tissue back into place over the laser incisions. And then he irrigated my eye and lay a contact lense over it all, irrigated again, and I was done.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

ETA several months later: At 5 days, I was 20/20, and at a month I was 20/20 in my left eye (the one that wasn't looking dead on at the laser) and 20/10 in the right eye - which is apparently better than 20/10. They're bionic!

The aftermath of the Lasek was rather uncomfortable. It wasn't much worse than when you cut up a particularly stingy onion, but it was prolonged for about 36 hours, and it was, you know. My eyes. If it was the same magnitude of pain somewhere other than my head it wouldn't have been a problem at all. I was quite visually impaired for the first two days, and then blurry and teary for another two. I did meet people in the waiting area who had had Lasik-not-Lasek done, who had driven themselves to their 24 hours check up and said they were fine after an hour or two the previous night.

Also, I'd advise you guys to read the aftercare instructions before you go in for surgery. Pay attention to what colour the different bottles of drops are. You'd be surprised how small they print this information! And, get them to give you some of the anaesthetic drops to take home - 3 or 4 doses. I only have one dose, which I stretched to two - some more would have been better. Because it's not really pain per se, oral drugs didn't do a lot for me, although my friend's dad's prescription painkillers helped me to sleep.

I was a total baby about the discomfort, and I also have issues with doctors and medical procedures. If I can do it, anyone can. And the vision? It still makes me bouncy and pleased when I think about it, and it's been 9 months, now. It rocks.

You would not believe how boring it is when you can't:

• use a computer
• read
• watch TV
• Navigate the outside world because NOW it decides to be bright and sunny
  
• Navigate a phonebook, electronic or otherwise
  

I am typing this with my screen on its biggest setting and the font on about size one million. My keyboard is a blur, and I have to look away from my screen and blink furiously between sentences. I'm gonna go to bed in a minute just for something to do.

On the upside, the stabbing pain has gone away, and my vision can only improve... And it will - I mean, I haven't lost perspective on why I'm doing this. It's just, now would be good.

I've had my gorgeous little kitten for almost a week, and she rocks in every way, even putting up getting soaked by the dog's post-drink clampy jaws. She's very brave and bold for her age and size, and purrs easily. She's affectionate, and likes to curl up in small spaces like elbows and necks. She's a cutie! But she's still nameless.[Poll #1219715]

ETA: My God, the formatting issues! *stabs LJ*. Let's try that again, without the randomly interrupted paragraphs and missing text.

ETA 2: Yes, it's in bold. And it'll stay that way because I've given up. This is the last time I use rich text!

I have had the most awesome seven days I can remember having in... years, possibly.

It went like this:

( cut for cuteness )

Last night I went on a date with Funeral Guy a friend of my cousins'.

It was such a great date! I like him a lot and am already eagerly awaiting my next date with him - usually at this point with guys I get a bit 'Yeah... but really?' But he's easy to talk to, and a lot of fun, and attentive and sweet. And clever and playful... he's pretty ideal, really. And we've got a lot in common - we grew up in the same town and went he went to the boys' version of my school, and, obviously, he knows my cousins really well and was perfectly willing to give me loads of truly excellent gossip about their exes and babies and feuds.

I may rewrite history later to say that it wasn't really our first date, because I did end up being a dirty, dirty stop out - in his hotel room, which is just so classy. (Although we did get breakfast in bed that neither of us had to go and make, which I could definitely get used to.) But I'm not sure I'd rather say that I met him at funeral. Or that I met him for the first time at my cousin's wedding when I was 18 and he was married.  Hmm. He hasn't told my cousins yet and neither have I, and I told him it was his call - he sees them more and knows them better.

But there is a point to this post! (Beyond me going 'LOOK! A MAN! EEEE!' which is pretty much my default today). His favourite TV show? Smallville. HE'S A GEEK! This makes me so happy. He claims it's not about Lana (he thinks she's a whining pain in the arse as well, he has taste!) or Chloe, he just likes the Superman stuff. I asked him whether he ever suspected Clark and Lex were doing it, and he apparently never did. So, who's got vid recs of Clark and Lex eye-fucking? Something that convinces the viewer they are totally doing it, or at least that they wish they were. Perhaps not one of the genre that starts 'given that they're blatantly shagging, don't y'all think x/y/z?' I want one that subtly re-edits canon, not one that tells an entirely different story. Apparently it was on last night and he missed it cos he was out with me, and he'll miss it again next Wednesday because I intend to go see him again that night. I'm going to put the two eps on a memory stick, with a vid or two in there too. I'm going to introduce him slowly to my geekish ways.

Speaking of geekery, I am obsessed with a new show! It's all deltacepheiand naye's fault. Move over SGA, Torchwood's got me hooked. I am so in love with Jack and Ianto, and Jack/Ianto. This LJ may see fannish content again after all...

So, I haven't been around LJ much lately because RL's insane. Housemates are moving out, workhouse is winding down. I've been driving up and down the country a lot, collecting ebay furniture and uttering the phrase 'No really, I'm stronger than I look' on what feels like a daily basis. We've moved from the grouting of tiles to the purchasing of soft furnishings, which is quite an upgrade in the fun department.

I've been plotting out how my life is going to be after my housemates move out (in a couple of weeks! I'm looking forward to it!!) and after we finally finish the house we've been building/renovating for the last year.

One of the big changes I'm going to make is pets. I'm going to get a cat and a dog; or more specifically, a kitten and a puppy.
( Specifically, potentially, one of these puppies )

naye  made me icons! I've capslocked all over the place and gushed embarassingly to her, and now I want to show you all the fruits of her labours, because they're awesome.



Isn't that the best present ever? When naye told me she wanted to make me something for my birthday, I thought she meant ONE icon, and I was thrilled. When I checked my email and saw that she'd made me about a million, I just about expired from the glee.

I particularly adore the dramatic colours in #11 and the hotness of the boys in it; and the warm lighting in the shot of John and Rodney walking in the corridor together (16); and the gorgeous recolouring in #20. I would love them even if they weren't all beautiful, just because it's such a sweet, wonderful gift. But they are beautiful, don't you think?!  She's thoughtful and talented!

I think that #9 is crying out for a caption but I'm having a failure of imagination. My flist is populated with writers - anyone? Naye said she'd put text on any I wanted text on, and I do like a well-aimed caption.  Doesn't John look as if his attention is on someone, crotchward? Are any of you struck with inspiration for that one, or for any of the others?

I don't usually post about my dates, because there's only so many times I can write OMG SO BAD before I want to spork myself. But tonight? You'll like this.

First date. We went to a cheapish restaurant. Conversation was a real struggle - he didn't pick up any of my conversational salvos and didn't offer any of his own. He'd answer open-ended questions with things like 'hmmm'. Maybe he's shy, I don't know. I also no longer care. The bill came, and it was £31.45. I put down £20, because I'd had dessert and he hadn't, and I figured that was about right . He studied the bill for a really long time, and then fished through some change and put down £11. So, it was 45p short. I waited a moment, expecting him to add to it, but no. I had to fish my wallet out of my bag again to fix it.

45p!

I was so surprised I actually laughed out loud. And then I made my excuses, and I left.

I just emailed an ex to suggest a drink sometime. He's completely gorgeous but we had nothing in common. Bad idea? y/n

Have also emailed four other guys from various dating sites, hopefully consigning myself to the bus problem - that several will come along at once. I figure it's like being unemployed and sending out job applications - no sense in just going for one at a time, right?

It's possible I've cracked. This is how bad first dates happen! Bad, self.

::twitches::

My housemate C and I watched Supernatural on our lunchbreak today (Reason #875020824 why it's great to be self-employed).


She's always been so sweet and innocent! She's leapt straight from not seeing slashy chemistry in Smallville (for God's sake, how?!) to incest.

My work here is done! Now to get her into the right fandom. She claims to hate sci fi, but on today's turnaround? She'll be making a model Millenium Falcon while wearing a Klingon forehead and Spock ears by the weekend.