Singledom rant. This = TMI.
Jan. 23rd, 2008 05:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tacitI've got a date tonight. It's my eleventy millionth first date. I've only ever been on three second dates, and those were with the only three men I've slept with. But first dates? Since I started Internet dating, I'm kinda prolific with those.
And they're awful.
Ok, so they make for fun stories afterwards. There's the guy who was clearly depressed and spent the entire date moaning, and then after I let him down gently, sent a dozen texts begging and saying how he wanted to 'emotionally understand' me. There was Paragraph Boy (intro, main, conclusion. Even for menu choices). There's the guy who turned up drunk and went on to get impressively wasted. I've been leched over, ranted at, ignored, groped, and cried at. And because I'm tired of being single, I continue to try. Don't get me wrong - I'm pretty picky, I only go out with men I think could work out and mostly it's a pleasant way to spend the evening. Great guys I don't fancy, or just a pleasant meal with someone who's nice enough. But do I have any enthusiasm for going out tonight? Not a bit. My brain knows it only take one great guy to turn it around, but the first-date-conditioning I've received so far has me kinda recoiling. Dates are so forced, you know? They can be like spouse-interviews, which I find sort of alarming.
Which brings me to the other guy I kinda have on the back burner. He's gorgeous. He wants 'fun without the other stuff'. I'm actually kinda ok with that - so long as I'm the only one he's having 'fun' with, and so long as he treats me with respect and friendship. I don't want to launch straight into a Relationship (capital R) - the last two boyfriends went from zero to insane in 2.4 seconds, and sent me mushy, clingy texts when I was still easing into the idea of not being single. I think it's a more natural evolution of a relationship to start out just for the fun of it - which ok, in this case could be sex, but sex is fun! - and move on to the deep emotional connection if and when it comes. I'm nervous about my selfesteem - if there's friendship along with the sex, I'm good. If he started showing up at my door at midnight expecting to get laid, it'd be over pretty quickly. But something between the two would reduce me to Extreme SMS Analysis, and paranoia.
My housemates think it's totally skeezy. I don't like to let their opinions matter so much but I work with C, so see her all day, and the two of them are my only close friends in this city. They're a big part of my life. They've been together for six years and neither has been single since they were teenagers. C thinks willies are repulsive and is grossed out and embarrassed by sex, and JJ has this fraternal, protective thing about me. They both think sex without love is awful. They have this romantic notion that first dates are awesome. Last time I slept with a guy, I had to give JJ the madonna/whore lecture - because, seriously three guys, ever. I'm 25. Sex is allowed! But - ugh. Some support would be nice.
I'm fed up of the whole fucking palaver. I'm so unlikely to meet a guy in RL it's untrue. I go entire weeks seeing just C and J because my career is really isolated and exhausting. And after work, I'm lazy, okay? I'd actually rather do the bizarre dating thing than join up a load of clubs that'd eat up what little free time I have.
What do you think? a) Dates, b) Sex or c) Surrender to my lonely fate. Maybe get a cat.
Where is Mr Right? Disney PROMISED!
And they're awful.
Ok, so they make for fun stories afterwards. There's the guy who was clearly depressed and spent the entire date moaning, and then after I let him down gently, sent a dozen texts begging and saying how he wanted to 'emotionally understand' me. There was Paragraph Boy (intro, main, conclusion. Even for menu choices). There's the guy who turned up drunk and went on to get impressively wasted. I've been leched over, ranted at, ignored, groped, and cried at. And because I'm tired of being single, I continue to try. Don't get me wrong - I'm pretty picky, I only go out with men I think could work out and mostly it's a pleasant way to spend the evening. Great guys I don't fancy, or just a pleasant meal with someone who's nice enough. But do I have any enthusiasm for going out tonight? Not a bit. My brain knows it only take one great guy to turn it around, but the first-date-conditioning I've received so far has me kinda recoiling. Dates are so forced, you know? They can be like spouse-interviews, which I find sort of alarming.
Which brings me to the other guy I kinda have on the back burner. He's gorgeous. He wants 'fun without the other stuff'. I'm actually kinda ok with that - so long as I'm the only one he's having 'fun' with, and so long as he treats me with respect and friendship. I don't want to launch straight into a Relationship (capital R) - the last two boyfriends went from zero to insane in 2.4 seconds, and sent me mushy, clingy texts when I was still easing into the idea of not being single. I think it's a more natural evolution of a relationship to start out just for the fun of it - which ok, in this case could be sex, but sex is fun! - and move on to the deep emotional connection if and when it comes. I'm nervous about my selfesteem - if there's friendship along with the sex, I'm good. If he started showing up at my door at midnight expecting to get laid, it'd be over pretty quickly. But something between the two would reduce me to Extreme SMS Analysis, and paranoia.
My housemates think it's totally skeezy. I don't like to let their opinions matter so much but I work with C, so see her all day, and the two of them are my only close friends in this city. They're a big part of my life. They've been together for six years and neither has been single since they were teenagers. C thinks willies are repulsive and is grossed out and embarrassed by sex, and JJ has this fraternal, protective thing about me. They both think sex without love is awful. They have this romantic notion that first dates are awesome. Last time I slept with a guy, I had to give JJ the madonna/whore lecture - because, seriously three guys, ever. I'm 25. Sex is allowed! But - ugh. Some support would be nice.
I'm fed up of the whole fucking palaver. I'm so unlikely to meet a guy in RL it's untrue. I go entire weeks seeing just C and J because my career is really isolated and exhausting. And after work, I'm lazy, okay? I'd actually rather do the bizarre dating thing than join up a load of clubs that'd eat up what little free time I have.
What do you think? a) Dates, b) Sex or c) Surrender to my lonely fate. Maybe get a cat.
Where is Mr Right? Disney PROMISED!
